Peace in His Plans

After some uncertain, doubtful, stressful months, and then an even worse several weeks after that, I've finally begun to feel peace in my circumstances. For a while, I couldn't contemplate the future without feeling overwhelmed, confused, afraid. I didn't know where I would be in even a few months, or what steps I should be taking to plan and prepare now.

Then things seemed to just get even crazier. It felt as if everything was happening at once: the uncertainty didn't leave, and the fear, if anything, compounded. A general feeling of sickness and exhaustion was wearing me down. My moods seemed "off", but I mostly attributed that to stress. Once I was diagnosed with low potassium and hypothyroidism, things began to make sense, but I still needed answers. Learning that I would be on pills for life was, at first, depressing to me. I worried about possible side effects or what it would be like having to worry about a pill for the rest of my life. It probably didn't help that my fears for the future weren't really being eased and my "disorders" caused enough exhaustion and moodiness to let my spirits sink.

Pretty soon I let myself slip into a "low" state. Different things kept happening, giving me new stuff to think about and worry about and feel troubled over. I was tired, I was sad, I was afraid.

As I remembered that God was with me, planning out my future, I began to feel encouraged. I prayed and, even though my emotions might not always have let me feel convinced or assured, my head knew that God would bless my future. He would show me where I was supposed to be, what my purpose was. Sometimes I wasn't exactly sure why I was feeling low, unmotivated, and out of it. I guess life circumstances, being sick, being worn down from stress and busyness, and being uncertain about my future were all just eating at me.

Then, thing began to turn around. God started to let things "fall into place", showing me that, even if I didn't know the details of my future: where I was supposed to be, what exactly I would do, I was starting to see bits and pieces. He was giving me glimpses ahead into the immediate future, enough to encourage me to see that everything was going to be all right. Just as I had known, but hadn't always felt. I was able to speak with my doctor and receive answers to my confused questions. My friends prayed for me, and slowly, I began to feel better. Emotionally, I began to feel hopeful. God was reminding me that He would always provide. I didn't know exactly what His plans were, and there were circumstances in my life I wished were different, and questions and fears I still had about my future. But I knew He was there and that He knew what was best for me. All I can say is, even though there were times I still felt hurt, I felt peace.

I am thankful for God's peace. There are many times from my past that I can look back on and see how God helped me through difficult situations. He was there to comfort me during hurt and to listen to my prayers for guidance, for help. Always, He is in control. I am so thankful that He can bless us with a comforting assurance that, even when we don't know how things will work out or improve, everything is going to be OK. I still don't have all the answers about my future (and of course, who does?). I still don't always like the changes that are taking place (I guess I'm afraid of this "transition" in life and all the things I might lose). I still fear that dreams I have will not materialize. I still hurt over past problems, current struggles, future worries. But God has everything in His hands, and I know, as He has shown me in times past, that He will work even bad circumstances into something good for His children. I'm thankful for this truth, this knowledge, and for the peace that comes with it, if we let it.