A Spirit of Power, Love, and a Sound Mind

The sermon I listened to in church this morning dealt with 2 Timothy 1, especially verse 7, in which Paul lists three things that can encourage and empower us, if we let them. They are great reminders of what our walk with God should look like, if we rest in faith, rather than allow fear to take over. I had to write some of the memorable ideas from this sermon down because I don't want to forget, and I wanted to write down my own thoughts about how the verses apply to me and others.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 

2 Timothy 1:7

1. Power-- In Christ, I have the strength to face my circumstances. He has my back. He is always beside me, strengthening me. The One who conquered sin and death is for me, so what have I to fear?

2. Love-- I have God's unconditional, immeasurable love, and God gives me the ability to love others. I don't need to be afraid of being unloved, for He loves me even when I am unlovable. I don't need to be afraid to love, either. His love heals and fills emptiness. I can love others who are also unlovable, just as He loved me.

3. A sound mind-- He gives clarity, peace. I don't have to be confused and lost and overwhelmed. I don't have to feel "unsound." I don't have to rely on my own limited understanding or trust my own twisted thoughts. He heals, He eases troubled minds, and He "uncomplicates" matters, making things plain.

Certainty in Uncertainty: Two Types of Fear

The other day I overheard part of a conversation my coworker was having with my boss. She was in the back doing dishes and I was out front, so I only caught snatches of what they were saying, but the main point was clear. She'd encountered someone or a group of people discussing the book of Revelation, and God's judgment. In the end, she mentioned the fear of God, stating that to have a fearful God and a loving God was a contradiction and He could not possess both attributes. "You can't have both fear and love," she claimed.

This immediately got me thinking. Honestly, I was taken aback, because to me, it was one of the most basic principles about God and I didn't understand how someone else couldn't grasp it. Then again, maybe it's a lot more complex when you stop and really think about it, especially when you haven't been learning about it for over a decade.

The first thought that came to my mind was parenting and my own father. Throughout my early childhood years, I greatly loved and feared my father. He held authority and power; if I disobeyed, I knew he could punish me and I would be miserable. Did the fact that my acting out could rightly earn punishment from him cause me not to love him? No. Did the fact that I loved him and knew he loved me cause me to reason and say, "Oh, he won't punish me, there's nothing to fear." Definitely not. I might have still misbehaved...children will be children!..but when my mother reminded me that my dad would be home from work later and would take care of matters, I quickly regretted my misdeeds.

God continued to bring this topic to my attention, as my Bible study described reverent fear in its lesson for today. There is a difference between reverent fear born out of respect, and miserable fear born out of terror and uncertainty. In one aspect, you at least respect, if not love, the person you know is in authority over you. In the second, you probably despise whatever holds power over you, and might even question its right to such power and authority. One brings healthy obedience, another breeds paralysis. One can still nurture love, peace, and comfort--the other only carries suffering.

And here's a fact I read in my Bible study that really jumped out at me (I'll paraphrase): There is a fear that is freeing, and there is a fear that enslaves.

One of the most beloved and well-known hymns, "Amazing Grace", contrasts these two types of fear:

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved

The first describes the reverence we hold for God, recognizing that He is holy and would be just to deal out punishment for our wrongdoings. It causes us to recognize when we are wrong and turn from evil. It is healthy, and consequentially, allowed the second line to come true: John Newton's miserable, terrified fear was relieved. He no longer feared damnation, for one, but we could add all sorts of other fears to the list that he found unnecessary after he placed his trust in God.

After all, if we have the healthy kind of fear for God, knowing He is a loving and just parent, we know that He is powerful. Powerful enough not just to punish us and teach us to do right, but powerful enough to punish those who afflict us, powerful enough to be in control of our lives when everything seems to be in chaos and we know we have no control at all.

Life is completely uncertain, and fear is a very real part of it. However, there is only one fear that brings peace and freedom. It allows us the certainty that God is working good (Romans 8:28), no matter the circumstances, because He is powerful enough. Because He is worthy of respect. Which type of fear are you allowing to rule over your life?

A Time to Rest

Today, I listened to a short message about Mary and Martha. It's a story I've heard many times but I'm not sure if it has ever struck me quite the same way it struck me today. It's a pretty familiar message: Jesus was about to visit the two sisters, and Martha rushed about to prepare everything for Jesus' arrival, trying to ensure that all was perfect (I swear she is the older sibling here!!!) while Mary went and sat at Jesus' feet to listen to Him teach.

Usually my reaction has been: "Well, duh, of course Mary chose the better option. She's with Jesus. Martha needs to get with it!" Or I might have thought about how easy it is to get distracted, but perhaps I didn't feel like I was that busy. Even if I did, the message seemed like something I could nod my head at but then pass over. Something for another day, maybe, when I felt like my circumstances fit it more.

Well, I guess they do now. Ironically, I probably have more free time now than I have had in years. It's picked up since December (thank God for that) but I still have plenty of time to sit around and wonder what in the heck I'm going to do with my life. I have time to worry about the future, worry about whether or not I will make the right choices, worry about whether I should move or stay, worry about whether I should move now or later, worry about whether my friends think this or that, worry about the food I just ate, worry about the fact that I think I should run more, worry about the extra time that I feel like I should fill productively, worry about whether I will ever amount to anything, worry about... OK, I think you get the idea. There's a lot of time to think right now. Especially with all of the changes I've been going through.

In the same week, I lost my first job, which I'd held on to for almost exactly 5 years, and graduated college early. I'd thought that I would be able to stay at my job for a little while after, until someone was trained to replace me and I had secured a decent job. I'd thought that the company I'd interned with for months really meant to hire me on as a freelance editor and pay me, even if it would start out as a very small, lower-paying sort of job, so that I could at least gain experience and kick off my career. But I found out right after Thanksgiving that the pizza store I worked at was closing in a couple weeks, and then I went for week after week without being able to contact the company that had supposedly just hired me. Graduation and my little celebration ended, and Christmas shopping and preparations and celebrations helped keep me a bit busier, but I quickly became bored. I'd gone from working and going to school and tackling homework and life, to just...tackling life.

I went from feeling productive, like I was doing something with my life, to starting to feel worthless and like a failure. My career plans fell through when my "job" with my publishing company came to a screeching and infuriating end. I settled for a part-time job at a pastry shop, doing something similar to what I'd done all through high school and college. A part-time job helped to keep me from going completely batty with all the extra free time, but it didn't really keep me busy. It still doesn't.

So I started to fill my time. Desperately. Any time a friend was free, or any time I thought one might be free, I leapt at the chance to make plans. I started to write again. I read. I ran. Anything to make me feel like I was doing something. None of these things are bad in and of themselves; most I am thankful for having more time to devote to because they are all important to me in different ways.

But today I realized I was being a Martha, doing whatever I could to avoid time to "be still" and meditate. Selfishly, and faithlessly, I tend to worry and wonder what I'm going to do if I give myself too much free time to think. My attitude needs to change. I need to sit at Jesus' feet like Mary, and not be afraid of free time...as long as I spend more of it with Jesus. God gave me this time for a reason. I can choose to grow in Him, or I can choose to make myself as busy as I can.

It's refreshing to know that I don't have to be busy. After college, it's hard to wrap my mind around the idea that I can be just as--or more--productive when I'm not doing as much. As long as I don't let that "not doing as much" become just another way to pass the time, or waste it with worrying--that's just another form of "busyness" without productivity. I need less doing, less frantic goal-setting and perfectionism and anxious aspirations, and more trusting. I need to choose that good thing: to trust, to listen, to--can I truly grasp this?--rest. 

There Are No Coincidences

There's a college-age adult fellowship group I've been attending since fall now that has been a huge encouragement in my life. The man who hosts it in his home, Ron, has a passion for God that truly inspires. One of his favorite things to point out is that with God, there are no coincidences. It's funny how I have known that in my head and probably said it who knows how many times myself, but perhaps haven't begun to grasp it as fully before as I've started to now.

One incident that really has struck this home to me was the fact that one evening our group decided to go around and pray for certain people on each of the group members' minds, people we felt we needed to connect or reconnect with, whether they were Christians or not. Perhaps the connection would help draw them to God, or perhaps it would be mutually beneficial. Either way, if we felt led to contact that person for whatever reason, Ron encouraged us to do so. After all, he also likes to point out the fact that relationships are one of the most important things we can cultivate, because those are the things that last.

That evening brought someone to mind that I haven't thought of as much lately as I have in the past. Someone that had all but walked out of my life, leaving much hurt behind. I'd prayed for over two years for her, not agreeing with all of her decisions, especially her choice to turn her back on the God she'd claimed to believe in once before, but continuing to love her. Time and the different paths we'd taken in life had pulled us further apart. I sometimes texted her to wish her a merry Christmas or a happy day on other holidays, but we didn't really "keep up." I didn't feel led to necessarily contact her myself--I'd started to feel that that was more her job, that my duty was to keep praying and being there if she ever wanted/needed me. I wanted to show her God's love but I wasn't going to chase after her, especially when I didn't feel I should appear as if I approved of her choices. It was an uncertain position to be in at times, but now, after all this time, I was so busy with my life, my friends' lives, and the prayer requests I had for myself and the ones they had for themselves, that I rarely remembered to pray for her. She just wasn't really a part of my life anymore. Well, I asked for prayer to remember her, and I did at least remember to pray a few times over the course of the next several days, but it easily slipped from my mind as time passed once more.

It was maybe a week and a half later when I received a text from her. Imagine my surprise to see her name show up on my screen! She said she was going to be in town the next weekend and wanted to find time to meet with me. Naturally, I agreed. I was blown away. God had just recently brought her to my mind, and here she was, reaching out to me. I knew He had a reason for this and that I needed to see her, even if it was just to chat casually over coffee.

The next weekend was an interesting one. I asked for prayer from just about any Christian friend I had regular contact with because I really, really wanted God to be all over this. I felt like my walls had been built up high, that I'd become numb enough over time to not be too upset or worked up over the situation, but I still could feel some nerves. That night I started to get antsy, and then--bam!--I felt the old hurts return. For the first time in longer than I could even remember, I began to cry over it. Honestly, my emotions were so jumbled and seemed to sneak up on me so quickly that I'm not 100% sure why, whether it was mostly because I felt hurt and was selfishly crying for myself, or if I was crying out of concern for her and grieving over her decisions too. Either way, I was partially glad that the pain was coming back, even just temporarily, because I believed it would help me keep her fresh in my mind and pray for her more often.

Meeting with her the next morning went well. She even mentioned that she was going to church that morning with her family because her father wanted her to attend the Sunday school he was teaching, and then her younger brother was singing during the service. Just the fact that she was ready to attend, whatever the reasons behind it, encouraged me and brought me hope. God was listening. He was working, even if during all that time I couldn't see it and had a hard time being patient and persistent. I don't know what the long term effects of my seeing her that day might be, but I don't believe that that was a coincidence either. God gave me that chance, even if it was just to chat with her casually about life and see what was going on. Maybe just showing up and showing that I cared would be a witness. I don't know. But it definitely helped me, reminding me of my continued love for her and that God is working. There are no coincidences. And thank God that He keeps working even when we lose hope and fall asleep instead of continue to pray!