Waiting on a Miracle

Gideon said to Him, “O my lord, if the LORD is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all His miracles which our fathers told us about, saying, ‘Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the LORD has forsaken us and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites.”

--Judges 6:13

How many of us have prayed for something...for a long time? Or felt like we waited an eternity for an answer from God, sitting back in despair when the situation seemed most dire, wondering why He hadn't answered yet? Maybe we did receive an answer, but it wasn't the one we wanted. Either way, whichever answer we receive and whatever end the situation comes to, waiting is perhaps the hardest part.

And sometimes it feels like waiting on a miracle. We wait for healing for a loved one, we wait for financial circumstances to improve, we wait for that job offer to finally roll in, we wait for someone we care about to change the way they've been living. Even waiting on the future can seem like waiting for a miracle, as we wait to discover where we are supposed to be, who we are supposed to become, and who we are supposed to be with. Sometimes, it feels as if it would take a miracle for all the pieces of our life to be put together.

Disappointment can hit us now and then too, making the situation seem even more impossible. Just look at the desperation in Gideon's words. Can't you just hear him plead for a miracle? He might as well have said, "Our fathers witnessed miracles, so why has God left us in the dark now? Why are we in this mess? Where is our miracle?"

I guess a lot of us could say that today. We experience so many problems throughout life, then begin complaining to God, asking for a miracle. The funny thing is, he's already given us so many miracles. The miracle of life and love and happiness. The miracle of His Son. The miracle of being able to go to Him and pray these prayers or question what He is doing.

I've struggled with some doubt, especially lately, wondering if some of the deepest desires of my heart will come true for my future. I pray to God, hoping that my will is His as well. I've met with some setbacks and disappointments, and sometimes it feels like I've waited such a long time for God to give me His final answer. There are times when I feel as if it will be a "No", and I should stop hoping. But then I remember that, even if a "Yes" feels like a miracle, I've already witnessed countless miracles. If God has given me so many blessings and showed me so many miracles already in my life, who am I to doubt that this one will occur as well? Even if the answer were a "No", God would make that result into a type of miracle, as He reshaped my future into something even greater than I've dreamed or hoped for all my life.

And that is, after all, how God has always answered prayer, giving us the best answer for each situation. The "Yes" or "No" answers are all miracles in their own ways. We can't give up on a miracle, grow discouraged during the wait, or become broken over the answer. God always answers, and the answer is always for the best.

Shattering Mirrors

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this; I'm just writing because I feel like this is something I need to say. I feel that others around me struggle with this far too often, and I myself have spent a lifetime suffering from it. Insecurities, false perceptions of ourselves, worrying too much about how others view us or think about us--it's everywhere.

Do we ever stop and wonder how much we imprison ourselves? How much of our lifestyles are governed by how we feel other people view us? How many times have we bitten our tongues and held back saying what we knew was right or standing up for what we believe for fear that someone wouldn't like what we have to say? How many girls shrink at the thought of stepping foot outside without makeup masking their faces? How many people have spent hours thinking and overthinking words someone has said or something someone did, wondering what it really meant? How many people have allowed themselves to sink down into depression because they've allowed someone else to define who they are?

Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity was a great eye-opener to me and revealed to me how much I torture myself all because of insecurity and pride. Sure, she writes about women and for women mainly, but insecurity is not an issue confined only to women or young girls. We all want to be accepted, loved, or thought highly of by other people.

I began to realize that it's not just a pride issue, but an issue having to do with lies. Think about it. If God created us, He created us to be unique, different from others. He created us to be us, and He loves us for us, even with our flaws. He died for that flawed person you abuse so freely when you look in the mirror and coat on the makeup. So many people tell us who they think we are or who they think we should be; so many times we tell ourselves what we think others see in us, or who we think we are. But how often do we tell ourselves who God sees in us?

No one is perfect. So who are we kidding, striving for perfection? We're constantly measuring ourselves by looking to other people, as if they can be the true measure of perfection. The people we pass on the street or sit with in the classroom or work with are just as flawed and imperfect as we are. They have their own fears and regrets and make mistakes too. They have "bad hair days" and pimples and dark circles under their eyes sometimes; and when they age their hair will turn white or grey (or disappear entirely!) and their face will wrinkle just like ours will too. They'll say stupid things, lose their tempers, get confused, fail, hurt, and cry.

God is the only measure of perfection that we have. Next to Him, we fall terribly short...but it is only when we actually stop and truly look to Him that we can be free! He has a Father's love for us, unconditional even when we make mistakes. He knows everything about us and still accepts us and transforms us to be something better than we are on our own. To cut ourselves down with nasty words and thoughts, feed our low self-esteem, and loathe ourselves is not His desire. In fact, when we take it to an extreme, we're discounting His creation and the soul that He died for.

I look at my struggle with low self-esteem (and I will admit, a lot, if not all of it, is rooted in pride) in a kind of mirror metaphor. (Sorry...English major...I enjoy metaphors. ;) We all look into a lot of "mirrors" in life: the reflections we see through our own projections of ourselves, the reflections we see through the way others treat us or talk about us...and then, (and all too often lastly) the reflections we see if we actually stop and look at the way God sees us. Maybe we need to start shattering some of those other mirrors and the lies they give us, and focus on God's mirror instead.

I could probably write about this forever, but I think you get the point. There is, of course, a type of pride that also gives us an inflated view of ourselves that is also false. That is why God's mirror, in not only providing us with a real view of our flaws and weaknesses but also a glimpse of His overpowering love for us, offers the perfect balance.

Other people don't define you. Magazines and TV shows and popular culture doesn't define you. And the mistakes and shortcomings you have don't have to define you, either. God defines you. Fight the lies! Look to God, and His truth will disperse them all.

"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." ~John 8:32

Defeating Joab

I've been slowly making my way through the entire Bible, from start to finish, with a friend. The New Testament is generally easy to understand and I've frequently read from sections of it, but the Old Testament is a bit more difficult; full of sacrificial rituals, violence, and countless evil deeds. Lately, in 2 Samuel, I found myself growing more and more disgusted by Joab, a captain under David. His first act I could "dismiss" him for, I suppose, since it was David's sin: he was the man ordered by David to put Uriah in the thick of battle so that he would be killed. Considering that his king told him to do it, I could understand...slightly. Obviously Joab had a choice to disobey David and prevent Uriah's murder, but people fall short and commit terrible acts of violence all the time...right? The focus on that chapter was more on David.

Of course, David is shown repenting and being punished for his acts of adultery and murder, but Joab is not spoken of at this point. Still, it was not until later that he began to catch my attention as someone who was unrepentant and bloodthirsty. First, he killed David's son against the king's orders. (Proof that he could have disobeyed David before as well to do good? Absolutely. Instead, he seemed to be a man focused only on evil, whether that evil could be done under David's orders or not.) But the most appalling act for me was when, in chapter 20, he murdered one of David's own men. Amasa was someone Joab worked alongside, someone who, as a fellow warrior in battle, should have been like a brother to him. Instead, pretending to embrace Amasa, he disemboweled him with his sword. He then left Amasa to literally wallow in his own blood on the road.

For several chapters it seemed as if no punishment would be executed upon Joab. To my knowledge, David didn't even know of the murders Joab had committed to be able to punish him. But God did know. I waited to see what would happen, growing more and more disgusted with Joab and his violence. Where was justice?

It wasn't until 1 Kings, when Solomon became king, that he executed Joab for his multiple murders. I must say, it was a relief. Finally evil had been defeated, and Joab wouldn't be killing anyone else for his own gains.

Today I began to think about how this story applied to life now, and even some of the old Grimm's fairy tales I've been studying for my English class. We as humans want to see justice. Our movies and books are full of evil men and women being punished in the end and the heroes and heroines triumphing over them. Perhaps this is because we see so many Joabs surrounding us in the real world. I don't just mean evil men, but all the evil deeds and thoughts, and all the violence and suffering in general. Why does it continue for so long? Why doesn't good prevail right away and why isn't evil punished immediately? We ask these questions all the time.

I can think of several reasons: God's grace giving even the most evil and violent of people time to change their ways; the fact that there can be purpose and good brought out even in and through suffering; and the truth that God does, in fact, allow humans free will and a lot of evil is brought upon us by our own doing. However, the eventual defeat of Joab is encouraging. No matter what trials we as Christians go through, whether persecution by people or the general hardships of life or spiritual warfare from outside and inside of ourselves, evil does not win.

It may seem as if darkness and pain and suffering last for much too long, but God is still there. In the end, He's going to defeat Joab, whatever Joab is in our lives. There will be victory, because He is sovereign and in control of our destinies. Even if we do not see Joab's defeat immediately, or even in our lifetimes, we can hold on to the hope and trust in God that ultimately, the pain and evil will be eliminated. In God, we will be victorious.

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." ~Romans 8:37

God's grace...incomprehensible.

There is something that's been troubling me for a while now about Christianity and God's grace. Once I never for a second considered that a Christian who had accepted His grace could ever lose their salvation, fall from grace, or be anything less than a Christian, no matter what. Lately though, I have heard several of my friends claiming that they believed it was possible to lose salvation. They said that God would not let go of a person, but that if that person completely denied Jesus and His grace and walked away, they would be letting go of God.

I came to a point in which I almost began to accept this idea. Maybe it was true. However, over and over the very idea unsettled me. It felt as if this belief left one insecure and cheapened grace. I recalled Bible verses speaking of the fact that God would never let someone go, and I looked at my own sinful life and wondered where the line would be crossed and if I would ever cross that line and lose God somehow. It was a terrifying idea. But mostly, it felt like such a wrong one. In my heart, I could not believe grace would work that way.

I think one of the hardest things for a person is to understand God's grace; it is beyond comprehension in its power. We are selfish and unforgiving by nature and we know that we do not desire to be forgiven ourselves, yet Christ forgives countless people countless times. Even the most vile of sins (though technically, God does not rate sins on a scale as humans tend to do) have been forgiven by Christ. Paul and David were both murderers, for instance, and they are some of the "giants" of the Bible.

On that note, it was this issue of David that I first recalled to mind when I was seriously struggling with the idea of the permanency of salvation. Psalms records various instances of David's life, from his highest highs to his lowest lows. Psalm 51 was, apparently, written after David had not only committed adultery with Bathsheba but had also murdered her husband. Does he write, "God, save me; I've rejected You and lost my salvation?" Not at all! Verse 12 says instead, "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation." Not restore to me Your salvation, but the joy. This verse makes it clear that David was still counted among God's saved, even in spite of such devastating sins, and that David was begging to feel the joy he had once felt in his relationship with God. It does not imply at all that he had lost his actual salvation, or that he ever would lose it.

Paul, who calls himself the "chief of sinners" and had once persecuted Christians, describes his assurance of God's salvation:

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39.

If we cannot save ourselves, how could we "unsave" ourselves? Especially if nothing can separate us from the love of Christ? What sin would be great enough that Jesus would say, "Sorry, that's enough. You've turned your back on Me this time with that particular sin. Clearly you don't want to be saved. So say goodbye to the Holy Spirit you've been sealed with. I said I would never leave or forsake you, but that was on the condition that you would be good enough for Me."

No! He would never cheapen grace. He covers all sins, past and present and future. He knows the mistakes we are going to commit before we commit them and He has forgiven them before we even ask for forgiveness. He seals us with the Holy Spirit, dwells inside us, and promises never to leave.

Can we possibly deny Jesus and then be "unsaved"? Of course not! We deny Jesus with every single sin we commit. When we lie, think hateful thoughts, lust, or deliberately refuse to do what God told us to do. We deny Jesus in our lives every time we fail to live up to His standards, every time we fall. We deny Him every day! Our human nature is simply made that way. There is no point where we turn our backs on God and He gives up on us. If we have accepted His salvation, He already has us covered. We can fall from a close relationship with Him by falling into sin and not seeking Him as we should (every relationship requires effort!), but we cannot lose Him forever.

We are secure. God's promises are forever. If He said He would never leave us, He will never leave us! His grace covers it all. The trouble is we always feel that something will tear us away from Him, that somehow we have to work for salvation and do something to be good enough, or that it's possible to do something to not be good enough. The truth is, we never were and never will be good enough. That's not the point of grace though. The point is that He lovingly gives us what we do not deserve. It is beyond comprehension to us, but freely given. God's just that cool. ;)

Without God, There Would Be No Love

Some people talk about how they doubt that God really cares, or what proof there is that He could really love humanity. So much pain and hurt exists in the world. How could He allow so much bad to happen if He truly loves us?

The truth is, God gave people free will. Would it be fair if He created us all to be robots without the ability to make our own choices, but instead forced us to obey Him at all times? And with that in mind, we know that as humans, we can make some bad choices. These choices, unfortunately, do not just affect us, but many around us.

Why do bad things happen? Well, often enough, they happen because people make stupid and wrong choices, and through them, people hurt each other. Sin causes a lot of the suffering we see around us, although some of it is still hard to understand. But just because bad things happen and we hurt and suffer loss and pain doesn't mean that God isn't there.

We can't always understand why bad things happen, but it's impossible not to see God's love. It's everywhere! It's in a friend's smile, a mother's hug, and a loving couple's glance. It's in every loving welcome and every kind act. Love is a feeling and a choice; an emotion that's difficult to define and something that we can only see through the actions of others. It's been described as the greatest emotion, and it gives meaning depth and meaning. Without it, there would be no purpose to life.

Truly unconditional love can only be seen in God, but that doesn't mean we can't see glimpses of His love working through others. If God created us, He created love; if love exists, then love itself is a proof that God cares. If God didn't love us, then how could we, as imperfect human beings, know how to love one another? How can we deny His infinite love when we wake up to a glorious sunrise, smell a flower, or feel the grass under our feet? How could He not care for us when we look at the beautiful detail in which He created the world, and us? He gave us the gift of love and continues to bless us immeasurably even when we hurt Him or make a mistake. Without God, there would be no love, because He is its Creator and the only One who can show us what true love is. In every breath we take, in every day we open our eyes, and in every moment that we give love to others or receive it from someone else, we are living proof that God loves us.

Are you questioning the existence of God's love? Wondering if it is truly as deep as the Bible claims? Look at your family and friends. Look at the miracle that is the gift of a newborn baby. Look at the incredible daily blessings you take advantage of. When you feel love, when you see the wonders of creation, and when you look at all your blessings, you're only glimpsing a tiny speck of the light of His love.

His Will Is Inevitable

I guess it's kind of ironic how much I worry about "finding God's will for my life" or "discovering my purpose". In fact, I suppose I could say it's a little silly that we so often say we need to "find" God's will or our purpose. Sure, it is an act of discovery...but are we really the ones "finding" it after all?

My family gets a magazine dealing with creation vs evolution called Answers in Genesis. Today I randomly picked up our latest copy and flipped through it. I'll be honest, though it looks interesting, for some reason I've never been a magazine reader. Generally I flip through magazines, check out interesting titles or admire the pictures. I have a lot of fun skimming through magazines, but actually reading an article never appeals to me much. Occasionally, but not very often.

Today I found one that really did grab me though. I didn't even read all of it, more skimmed it till I got to the root of the message that I really wanted to see. It was talking about how to know what God's will was. It used the example of "marriage", and since that seems completely irrelevant to where I am in life at this moment, I skimmed through that section really quickly, but the gist of what it said there applies to pretty much any situation: pray, seek God, etc. We know the drill.

The ending is what really got to me. I think it's something I've "known" but not really taken to heart as much as I should. It reminded readers that God makes sure His will is done, and that even in our mistakes and bad choices God will work out His will. He can bring good from them.

I've been afraid before that somehow I would pray to God yet miss His will. I'd take the wrong path. Maybe I told myself that I feared in the end I would take my will over His, even when I heard His will, but when it comes down to it, maybe I wasn't trusting God as I should either. Yes, we can decide not to follow His will. We can miss out on His purpose by choosing to disobey.

Even then, though, I remember the story of Jonah and how he tried to run from his purpose. Yeah...he didn't get very far. I don't think God is going to let you just ignore Him without making you miserable, if you are really His. In fact, if you are really His, He won't really need to put you in bad circumstances to make you miserable; just being away from God and hurting your relationship with Him will make you miserable.

I guess it comes down to this. God's will is inevitable. We can choose to be a part of it or not, but in the end, He will accomplish it. It's better to get on board. And if we honestly seek God, if we pray to Him and ask Him to show us our purpose and our path in life, He will be faithful. Who am I to doubt God's faithfulness when He has already proved it to me time and again? It's time I stop sitting around quivering over the future. Countless verses in the Bible quote God telling His people to not fear. Fear is paralyzing. It is full of doubt, doubt of God, doubt of who we are meant to be. We can be so much if we rely on God. I want to stop worrying. I want to live out my life fully embracing God now, and letting God lead me to the wonderful things He has in store for me.

I suppose this is really nothing new, but it is such an encouragement! Once again I see God telling me to be patient. "Do not fear! I have everything planned out. Just trust Me." I need to stop listening to myself and to the devil so much, and start listening to God more often.