However, her words only reinforced my own beliefs. I realize that faith is not anything that can be explained or rationalized. It is an individual experience, a relationship that goes beyond the ability to convey in words. Our human brains can only begin to comprehend the magnitude of the glories of the creation of this world, let alone the wonders of the universe; so how much more is God incomprehensible, astounding, indescribable? I can't begin to try to argue to someone that God exists. I can point to Creation, point to actions of faith, point to the unexplained, invisible miracles of love and forgiveness; but I cannot use my own intellect, logic, knowledge, feelings, or experience to convince someone else to believe in an invisible, omnipotent, omnipresent Creator. It is something they have to come to themselves. In fact, to try to force someone into believing in God would be heretical, an oxymoron that goes against the very core of my faith and relationship with God. My relationship with God is beautiful because He does not force me to love or serve Him. He courted me and I accepted Him in faith; His love constrained me to serve Him, to love Him in return. My independent choice is beautiful because it is mine. It is possible because He gave me the faith and He knocked on my heart's door so that I could learn of Him and make that choice; I chose to accept that faith, that invitation to know Him more. If I ever have children, I want them to have this opportunity. I want them to know about God and the relationship I have with Him, the beautiful way He loves and forgives me, so that they have the opportunity to experience it firsthand. I want them to know that my love for them is purer, stronger, better, because of His love for me.
But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself. Here are my reasons:
God is beyond logic, but faith isn't.
I already said that God is indescribable and beyond human comprehension (even an atheist, if he takes a moment to think "What if" knows that if God does exist, He must be all-powerful, all-knowing, outside of time), but that does not mean that faith in Him is without reason. No, if it were completely unreasonable, it would be cast aside when children became adults, as children "grow out" of their belief in Santa Claus (a parallel the author of the blog used for belief in God).
"Why do bad things happen?" Christians do seek out logical answers to this question. They are not blinded by faith; they instead explore their faith. Solid faith is one backed in reason. If someone does not have a reason for their beliefs, then their beliefs are flimsy, shallow; they are hardly able to be called something that makes up a "faith" at all, because there is no faith involved. There is nothing to believe. They have a thought, an idea, that will crumble with the first ounce of reason or thought applied.
So, why do bad things happen? Genesis explains that, though the woman who wrote the blog and others may criticize this seemingly trite answer. However, it is true. Humans cause bad things to happen. They choose evil over good, wrong over right. It doesn't mean God condones it. We want to imagine that a loving God, an all-powerful one, is the type of God who would step in and stop the Sandy Hook massacre or the destruction of Hurricane Katrina. We close our eyes and dream up a world in which little children are not abused, where they do not starve. We long for a world of peace, where innocent people do not suffer abominable cruelty and horror, the stuff of nightmares, of evil. But we must realize that this world we live in is one of our own making; we are fully responsible for it. Every day that we choose wrong over right (and we all do), is a day in which we affect ourselves and others for worse. We also have to realize that God would be a tyrant if He forced us to do right. If He forced us to honor Him, to love Him, there would be no free will. There wouldn't even be any love. Isn't love, after all, a free choice? If we take away the choice behind love, can we really call it love? If we take away the choice behind our actions, can we humans call ourselves free? If God were a tyrant, then He would not be a loving God. He would, in fact, be far worse than this God others criticize for allowing atrocities to take place.
Perhaps we should adjust our idea of love. Do good, loving parents force their children to always choose right, and never choose wrong? Do they make all their children's choices for them, even when they have reached an age to choose? Even when they are 18 or older? No! Parents let their kids mess up. Not because they don't love them, but because they love them enough that they want their children to decide for themselves. They love them enough to give them their freedom and trust them to make the right choice. They love them enough to not be tyrants to their children. But when they do mess up, they are always there for them. They are also there for advice, counsel, and guidance before and during a decision, if the children seek it. Isn't God the same way? Isn't this, truly, the most loving approach to both parenting and...well...being God?
I want my children to see this example. I want to hold this example in front of them and myself, so I am reminded how to raise them, so they see how much I love them, so they see how much God loves them, so they know how to raise their children in love as well.
God is fair.
We cannot see how God answers prayer, but that is the beauty of it. Whenever I have seen prayers supposedly "not" answered, I have seen incredible beauty, because He has simply answered them in the way that is best...because He knows best. Not us. A child might complain that their parents are "not fair" for not letting her go to her friend's house on a school night, not realizing that they are doing it for her best interests. God is the same way. I have watched a mother and father pray and plead with God for the life of their 14-year-old son as he battles cancer, and I was there, praying, when he lost that battle. Did I say, "God did not answer their prayer?" Did the parents say, "God did not hear us?" No. Their faith was amazing; they felt comfort in this time. For, you see, God did answer their prayers. That boy was healed. He is with God. He is whole. He is loved. He is safer and happier and more complete than those parents are, or any of their other children are, here on earth.
I want my children to see that "fairness" isn't about getting what you think you want or need. It's about getting what is best for you in the long run. I want them to learn from this to think in long-term conditions, not short-term. I want them to make their decisions based on what is best for them and for others over the course of years or even a lifetime, not what seems best or what they think they want right now. I want them to realize that I am fair, not because I always cater to their every whim, but because I love them enough to refuse what is bad for them. They might go through some pain (not being able to see their friends that night, not going to that party, etc.), but it is minimal, short-term, trivial, compared to the greater outcome of blessing, or joy, or good.
God protects the innocent.
We might not always see it on earth, because the evil actions of humans can victimize others, sending their lives into a spiral of despair and hurt, but God protects the innocent. Greater still, God protects the guilty. We are all guilty in His eyes--that's why Jesus came to die for us--yet He still chose to die. Jesus dispels the devil's accusations and our own accusations of guilt and shows His scarred hands, shows His blood, and declares us innocent in His eyes. He protects us from ourselves--from our damning choices by saving us and guiding us into His life. From the devil, by filling us with His Spirit and influencing us to choose life over death. From death, by conquering it and giving us not only a better life here on earth, but also eternal life with Him. Does this mean that on earth we will never have pain, never face danger? No, but it does make these trials pale in comparison. If we are saved from death, what harm can come to us in this life that will not be forgotten in the next? This life is fleeting and miserable, but He promises to be with us through it all. This hope, this trust in God, His very Presence and overpowering love, embraced the disciples and other early martyrs and made torture, imprisonment, and painful death not only bearable but even glorious. God endured so much more pain for us. He knows our pain. He is with us, if we but ask. Pain is temporary. His blood, His love, His saving grace, is forever.
God is present.
This is one of those times when experience comes into play. I have felt God's love shower over me so powerfully it is practically physical. I have heard His words spoken to me through the voice of one of His people. I have heard His message come to me in my heart. I have felt His peace seep into me, killing the poisonous thoughts I abused myself with, and bringing to me such a wondrous feeling that I can only describe as the absence of pain. It went beyond cheap contentment brought from the world or my own efforts, one that only covers or masks pain. It killed the pain. These are beautiful experiences that I cannot rationalize, that others cannot explain or believe in unless they have felt them themselves. I want my children to have the chance to feel this love, to know this wonder. It is a blessing I cannot selfishly keep to myself.
God teaches children to be good.
I remember at the age of four, wondering how I could be "good enough" to get into heaven. I remember, a couple years later, feeling tormented with guilt because of a lie I had concealed from my parents for years. But more than that, I know the taste of ritualism, and the desire to be good for goodness' sake. I know what it's like to fight to prove myself, to be good for myself, to be good for others. I know what it's like to worry to be good so God will be pleased with me, so others will be pleased with me, so I will be pleased with myself. But in the end, these are torturous reasons to be good, and they begin to erode. Eventually, love of self conquers these and I want to do what I want to do. Unless, of course, I have something stronger than love of self, or the need to impress others or earn their love. If I have a love for God, then I have a desire to please Him. If I love God, I know how to love myself properly. If I love God, I love others. All of these things compel me to do good, to show Him my love for Him, to show others my love of them because of Him, and to treat myself with the dignity and respect of doing good because I love myself for the inherent value God bestows on me, not because of what I have or have not done.
God teaches selflessness and true self-worth.
We live in a world flooded with this idea that people have "low self-esteem" or need "self-esteem" or to believe in themselves. The trouble is, this does nothing. I suppose this is the point that is the most personal for me, the one that I most treasure to pass on to my children. I have battled an often-agonizing, lifelong case of low self-esteem. I have abused myself with self-degrading thoughts, consumed myself with the worry that others might not care for or accept me and how that decreased my value, my worth. I have tortured myself with lies and hurt that leave scars on my very identity and my ability to love. Some might call this low self-esteem. I call it a skewed way to love myself. It is pride and love of self at its worst; perhaps it is a lack of respect and love as well. Only God has ever given me true self-worth. His love has never encouraged narcissism; no, the idea that God hears me, loves me, has a plan for me, values me--blows me away. I stand in awe because I do not deserve Him. I do not deserve love, or forgiveness. It is the simple truth. But He loves me anyway, and such love is something that spills over, making me love myself--not in pride, not in narcissism, but in a healthy way. I feel strong and confident because He made me that way and He will not forsake me. I feel special and worthy of respect because He loves me and created me the way I am and has a plan for me. I love others and want to serve them because He loves them and because the love He pours out to me overflows from my heart. Jesus' example, His glorious love, is powerful enough to not just cure the disease of a skewed self-image, to not just bring someone their true identity and meaning and purpose in life, but to also compel them to love and serve others. This is love. This is life. If my children can learn anything from me and my relationship with God, let it be this.
If I ever have children, I cannot keep these experiences from them. I will not raise them in religion; I will teach them of my relationship with God, of who He is, and of their ability to pursue one with Him as well. Their choice, whether to follow Him or not, will be entirely their own. But I cannot ever raise children without giving them this beautiful knowledge, and this option.
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