"Changing the World"

Maybe it was the church service this morning. Maybe it was the stress. Maybe it was the constant feeling of pointless drudgery, this meaningless void I feel like I'm being sucked into. Maybe it was the self-disgust at my own self-pity, carelessness, selfishness. Maybe it was the restlessness. Maybe it was the longing for something more. Maybe it was the need to finally throw away the hurt, the bitterness, the apathy. Maybe it was the book I'm reading. Maybe it was the conversation I had with my coworker. Maybe it was remembering the closeness with God I've had in times past.

I think it was all of these. God's been walking besides me, trying to get my attention, but something inside me is finally waking up. 

We all have our excuses. We're busy. We're stressed. We're tired. We're upset. We'll do it later. 

Whenever something is going wrong in our world, our country (which is every day), we are quick to point out that things need to turn around. We talk about making change. We want God to bless our country, turn it back to morality, to Him. We walk around talking about how we want to change the world, but we refuse to change ourselves. We are quick to see what's wrong with this world and with others, but not so quick to see what's wrong with ourselves.

"...If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land." --2 Chronicles 7:14

We're all "too busy" for God. "Too tired." We want God to step in and cause a miracle of forgiveness and healing to occur in our country, but we don't want to fulfill His requirements.

Well, I want to make a change. I want to seek God. I want to live for Him. I spent so much time in college preparing for something that I thought was His will, and here I am, thrown unexpectedly into something else, sometimes, quite frankly, in emotional turmoil. Maybe I'm a little angry even. But I want God to use me wherever I am. I want to see Him reveal Himself to me, reveal my purpose to me, use me daily for Himself. 

I don't want to be this self-absorbed person, drowning in my own stress and self-pity. I don't want to see the problems of the world, the people who need to know Him, and say, "Well, someone else that will be better qualified can take care of that." I want to live out His will. I want to find meaning in life. I want to live every day to the fullest now, whether I'm where I thought I should be, wanted to be, or thought God wanted me to be now or not. Because the truth is, I can't wait. I could be gone tomorrow. Do I want to tell God, "Sorry, I hadn't gotten exactly where I needed to be yet to be able to serve You?" Because last I checked, God wanted us to drop everything and start serving Him exactly where we were. 

Yes, I want to see a change in my country. I want to see it turn to God. I want to see that change, that impact God can make in the world. But I desperately want it to start in me. I can't expect God to use me to change other's hearts if I refuse to be open to letting Him change mine. 

I know I'll probably stumble. I'm afraid I might very easily tumble back into apathy. But if anyone else reading this is also sick of apathy, sick of following themselves before following God, then hold me accountable. We can do this together. 

I want to dig deeper into the Bible, really study it, and hear God speaking to me again. I want to pray to Him like I'm praying to a friend, seeking His advice and guidance and encouragement. I want to listen and hear His voice once more. I want to live out what I learn. I want to follow Him. I want to let go of my pride, turn from my sin, turn to God, and pray for my country. I want to see that change in me, and I want to see it in my country. This is my prayer. 

Please, God, give us the strength to just forget ourselves every once and a while, and focus on You.